four years ago i watched myself yo-yo from 115 lbs to 85.. and back up.. and back down.. and back up. it was as though the mental and physical blocks were removed for a time, and i would shoot back up to my normal weight in a manner just as unhealthy as the last. it's been a long time since then. i've hovered between 140 and 150 lbs all of junior year and am now around 142.. ish. i want to drop some of that, get down to a good 130, because my build is solid and i am tall and i think i might even look slim at 130. and now that i've ventured back into the world of xanga i am surrounded by a world of blogs where girls measure their calorie intake, which is almost always below 1000, and are struggling to get below 100 lbs, and though i never had that sort of willpower and i sort of wish i had it now, i feel sorry for them. they're enslaved by their misconceptions of themselves. ridiculously defined ribs are not attractive. they look emaciated and they know it and feel it's the way to be. and being that way once myself, at least for a time, i only wish i could grab hold of these people and let them see sense. i'd rather have a bit of softness, legs that are a bit too big, but have my figure fully filled out and defined.. something to hold on to, rather than be broken when someone touches me. also.. i like food just a bit too much to let it go.

i adore photography, and i really want a 35 mm for christmas. really. for christmas this year i'm asking for a camera and some oversized headphones. nothing too fancy, they have them at borders for like thirty dollars.

there are two types of people - people who present themselves as how they see themselves, and people who present themselves as how they want others to see them. this is where the true stickiness begins. someone presents himself as something he isn't. but does he know that he isn't? perhaps he is fooling himself and he is presenting himself in what he considers to be honestly. but then, where is the lie? is it in his presentation, or your interpretation? the line appears between obvious attempts at deception and the human inability to be omniscient. sometimes it is the simplest thing to know if someone is a faker. but what if you're wrong? no one can see everything. perhaps humans ought to judge less.

friends only, comment and identify :)